Higher School

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Dreams figure greatly in my learning processes. The one that seemed to recur regularly was the one where I returned to Barrie North Collegiate to sit a final Math exam.

 

Math was my strongest suit in high school. I even managed a perfect Math exam in Grade 13. So, why I should find myself returning to class seemingly every night, I could never comprehend: had I overlooked something? Was I supposed to improve on my score? Or was it that I had intended to continue my education, but I just hadn’t felt ready to do so?

 

The dream itself would have familiar elements, like the feeling of not being prepared for the test, coming to class late, not being sure where in school the class was being held: anxiety feelings, for sure.

 

Then one night, I had a dream that was in three parts. Therefore I split the dream’s contents into three poems.

 

Graduation

 

Over the last thirteen years, my dreams had

Never been able to stop returning

To high school, as if I had a burning

Obligation to continue to add

Unknown quantities, like Sir Galahad,

Never shrinking from my quest; a yearning

In my heart to pursue my soul’s learning

Vortex into my mind, where Good meets Bad.

Eagerly I went to class, took the test

Repeatedly until I got it right.

Several times I wondered if sometime

I’d break from the depths, climb my Everest

To the top, scale the Spiritual Height…

Yawn, fathom my same base, prepare to climb.

 

Sonnet XXX

 

My First Night

 

Somewhere in the middle of the morning

Of January nineteenth, I went to

University, with no forewarning,

Let alone a cheery ‘How do you do?’

In the course of my wanderings that first

Night, I drank wine with a group of nine/ten

Individuals who helped me quench my thirst,

Teaching me how to release my frightened

Insecurity: my self-illusions

And egotism were shaken; naked I sank.

The ‘me’ that survived the dissolution

Insisted that no-one could love a blank.

One of Them said something I knew was true,

Never having understood: I love you.

 

Sonnet XXXI

 

When viewed together, these first two sonnets show the change that occurred that morning of January 19, 1984. I had finally gone to Universe-ity. What I didn’t understand until much later was that the group of nine or ten (I couldn’t be sure how many, as there seemed to be so many of them) were connected with me. They weren’t necessarily ‘me’, but they were there to support me in whatever endeavour I was to attempt.

 

One of the group was my Inner Guide, who completely blew my mind when he said that he loved me. But it wasn’t in the ordinary way we mean when we say “I love you”. It was more like, “I know you inside and out, and I love you in spite of that”. That gave me a fresh perspective on everything.

 

 

The Next Morning

 

As morning broke, in my dream, all of the

Newcomers were handed four test papers

In which we were to take backgrounds, see,

Link, with the character traits, the diverse

Lines of action, and complete the story.

Unfortunately, I misplaced them and

Spent three searching hours, an allegory

To illustrate my mental sleight-of-hand.

Recruiting my friend, we located them

As ev’ryone was preparing for lunch.

The experience is an apothegm

Inscribed in my spirit, packed with a punch:

Only when my Constant Companion stood

Near, was I complete, to do as I should.

 

Sonnet XXXII

 

This was the foreshadowing of the change that would come in my Astrology work, when I moved to England.

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About cdsmiller17

I am an Astrologer who also writes about world events. My first eBook "At This Point in Time" is available through most on-line book stores. I have now serialized my second book "The Star of Bethlehem" here. And to give my blog pages something lighter, I'm sharing some of my personal photographs, too.
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